I think I need to clarify

I'm one of those people who just blurts out her thoughts. And then I want to catch them all back and start over more eloquently haha. Which makes me a horrible story-teller. Or a direction-giver...

They say think before you speak, so I do. But I still trip over my words, and start stuttering and then begin jumping ahead of myslef or combining thoughts so they no longer make sense ugh. Or I say something and later, reflecting on what I've done that day (I tend to reflect a lot, a habit I sort of grew into from all the blogging I used to do) I'll think of a nicer way to say what I mean.

Like this question a friend posed over the weekend. No back story because...lazy la to explain haha.

What I said came out harsher than I meant. To be honest, it does not really matter that much to me. But if I were to follow that scenario you painted out for me to the T, I would be upset. I don't trust easily...or at least put a LOT of trust in any one person. Only a handful of people have seen all sides to me and to be honest, I would like to keep it that way. So I meant to say, I would have taken it to be a betrayal of my trust. And I would be very hurt. And while I probably would forgive, I highly doubt the same level of trust will still be there.

Speaking about trust, I was reading this devotion text that ended with the prayer "I will trust in the Lord for all things. I will not trust my own insight and understanding."

Instinctively, I felt like burning the book. Essentially, it's telling me not to trust my own thoughts! And I can't even question it because it tells me that I cannot trust my own understanding of stuff!

Yes, there have been times when I've hesitated, when I've questioned and then poof the window of opportunity has closed. But still..it already irritates me how some people just accept knowledge of stuff as though it's the final truth, without looking for back up or examining it for themselves.

So no, I cannot recite that prayer. I want to be curious all the time. I want to question why, to hear different point of views and learn these stuff with my own heart. And the day I stop being curious is the day I should worry. Because I really do believe that questioning does not have to be the root of evil. Instead, it makes me have more faith in what I believe because I understand why I believe.

Ahh, it's nice to type all that out. I've been wondering about that sentence for a while now and it's been bothering me :/